Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Delusional Gloom Blogfest - Ides of March

I've waited a fair while for this, and yet when the day finally arrived I had no idea what I was going to post! Finally I wrote something, which addresses the 5th option we were given:

Plot a murder of someone sorely asking for it, step by step

(Click on the image above for details of the blogfest in general)

My entry is inspired by my Chrysalis story, entitled, “I Pronounce You...Dead”, which you can read HERE. Incidentally, we at Chrysalis have a little in-joke about annoying/evil characters called Susan - we kept writing about them for a while there! :D

But without further ado, here is the entry!

Dear Susan Marie Walker,

How it begins:

I will date you, because I have not yet discovered who you really are.

How it progresses:

The whole ‘dating’ thing will teach me. It will teach me many important lessons, the foremost in my mind being that you are a monster of most heinous evil. And I will form a plan, lay out the steps with special care—these steps will take me ever t’ward your glorious demise.

Sorry, got a bit carried away with the dramatic speech. Still, the point remains—you’re going to die, and this is why.

-You’re the most arrogant person I’ve ever encountered

-You’re uglier on the inside than I knew it was possible to be

-You are cruel beyond measure to those less fortunate than yourself, and to those more fortunate, you’re even worse

-Your parents made you this way, I have no doubt, but you refuse to better yourself—you already think you’re perfect as is

-You make me so bored I want to cry

-Your favourite song is ‘The Macarena’

And finally... How it ends:

-I will go to that stupid “magic spell” party, the one all our friends are attending

-I will stand in the kitchen and dial triple zero

-I will tell the person who answers what address I’m at, and I will say, “I’m about to murder Susan Marie Walker, okay, bye!”

-I will hang up and walk out into the party, where you will be up to your usual tricks—making somebody’s life miserable

-I will stride up to you and flash you my smile, the one I know you can’t resist

-I will make you think maybe there’s a chance for us to get back together; I will convince you there is no other girl in the room for me

-I will cast a spell on you—it’s a stupid ‘spell’ party after all

-You will simper and sigh and gladly agree to play along

-I will hand you this shot of Curaçao

-You will drink it

-Then you will die, and the world will rejoice

-The cops will rock up.

And it doesn’t really matter what comes after that, because the important work will be done.

Right, I’m off to the bottle-o. They better have that blue shit in stock.


  1. Wow, Ms. Trisha,

    Extravagant!!! Beyond expectations!! You expressed your view of the person (to be killed) in really awesome manner!!!

    Cool entry!! Don't forget to check my entry at http://becomingprince.blogspot.com/2011/03/delusional-doom-blogfest.html

  2. Lol! I'm never going to look at curacao the same way again!

  3. Thanks for the comments guys :P

  4. Yup, evil nasty gets what evil nasty gives. ;)

    I, too, waited and waited for this awesome fest with no clue of what to write until the last minute.

  5. Payback is in a blue bottle! OUCH!
    Nice angle on this one~

  6. Hahaha! "you make me so bored I want to cry" cracked me up! I love it, great magical entry!

  7. ouch... this one is just seething... love it!

  8. Hmmm...I may have to re-think the whole "Blue Hawaiians are my favorite drink" thing... I love how your would-be murderer plans to tip off the police, haha! This was awesome ~ :)

  9. oh dear, I do not like her. I think I know her. Thanks for killing her.
    Jan Morrison

  10. The macarena is motive enough. lol Great entry.

  11. *giggles* Oh, evil Susan must GO! I'm cracking up because they really are not nice to the name Susan in books, are they? Very nice!

  12. You did good. I actually thought to myself, 'Is this person actually for real?' Great work. With a shot of poison, eh? Crazy.

  13. A spell party complete with demon drinks and a dead jerk -- Perfect.

  14. Thanks for all the comments guys :) Will check out your entries in turn :D

  15. The Marcarena? Oh yea, she HAD to die! Lol!

  16. Ah,I remember that story. Oy, Susan. what a piece of work. :P

  17. Yeah, "The Macarena" - it's gotta be my least favourite song of aaaall time. ;) I was gonna choose something else, but nothing really compared.

  18. Remind me not to piss this guy off :) that was was a satisfying plan.



Thanks for your words, me hearties! and don't forget to leave a link to your blog somewhere I can find it!