Tuesday 22 March 2011

Crusader Challenge TWO!


Okay, so I'm finally getting around to posting my entry for the 2nd Crusader challenge (click on the picture above for more info!). The instructions were:

"Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count." - Rachael Harrie

And here is my entry, which Word tells me is exactly 100 words!

The goldfish bowl teetered in Ashley’s mind, and she drew a sharp breath and waited.

“What’s with you?” Don frowned, leaning close to peer into her face.

“My life’s about to shatter,” she whispered. “The goldfish bowl is gonna fall, and the goldfish will flop around on the floor. I don’t know if I’ll get to it in time.”

Donald’s eyes widened. “What goldfish bowl?”

“The goldfish bowl of my life.”

After a brief hesitation, Donald got to his feet, backing slowly away. “Hey...on second thoughts, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea...”

And he walked out, ending the date.

Posted by at 10:29
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52 comments:

  1. Ben Langhinrichs22 March 2011 at 10:52

    Such a great analogy, and he couldn't deal. Clearly not the right guy for her.

    On the other hand, I might have walked out myself...

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  2. Callie Leuck22 March 2011 at 10:56

    Haha. I also would have walked out. Alternately, if a guy came in and I decided I wanted the date over NOW I might consider scaring him off...

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  3. Unknown22 March 2011 at 11:04

    Ha! Yeah, that would creep me out a little too! Very good entry.

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  4. Michelle Merrill22 March 2011 at 11:12

    Haha, that's great...just back away from the crazy girl :) I am totally goldfish-bowl headed at times. My husband just backs away and lets my mind do its thing.

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  5. Trisha22 March 2011 at 11:21

    I would have walked out too if I was him. LOL. Though I might've stuck it out a bit longer, just to be polite. Needless to say I wouldn't have called her again ;)

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  6. Unknown22 March 2011 at 11:40

    Ouch! Nice job getting a reaction in only 100 words. :)

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  7. Anonymous22 March 2011 at 17:22

    LOL! Oh dear, I hope she manages to prevent it happening and find Mr. Right! :O)

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  8. Trisha22 March 2011 at 17:48

    Hehe, yeah, it might help if she goes on some meds. lol

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  9. Cally Jackson22 March 2011 at 18:41

    Bahahaha! Great analogy but maybe the wrong time to bring it out. Love it.

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  10. Sierra Gardner22 March 2011 at 19:34

    I might not have walked out but I probably would have avoided the second date =)

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  11. Anonymous22 March 2011 at 20:53

    Head games. Love it!

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  12. Anonymous22 March 2011 at 20:59

    This is the most original of the entries I've seen so far. Very nice!

    -Vicki

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  13. Trisha22 March 2011 at 21:12

    Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed :)

    I don't think she meant to play head games, it just kinda happened. hehe

    But then I don't know much about this chick :D so few words to get to know her in!

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  14. Deniz Bevan22 March 2011 at 22:53

    The poor thing! Guess she wasn't in the mood for a date that night. But he could have been nicer!

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  15. Summer Ross22 March 2011 at 23:17

    LOL- if she would have kept quiet- LOl now he thinks she's crazy!

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  16. Carol Riggs22 March 2011 at 23:35

    Ha, very clever. Like Summer said--she should've just kept it to herself! Nice analogy. :)

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  17. Anonymous22 March 2011 at 23:36

    Oh, poor Ashley! That said, I think she needs counselling! Or maybe she had a clairvoyant vision of the future?

    Great stuff - I love it!

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  18. Anonymous23 March 2011 at 00:09

    Don walked out because the poor girls life is falling apart (heartless) or because of the crazy metephors she speaks in (smart)...either way, great entry!

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  19. Cherie Reich23 March 2011 at 00:37

    Ooo...I really like this one.

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  20. Charity Bradford23 March 2011 at 00:49

    I like it too! Sometimes I feel that way, but I don't see a goldfish bowl. I see a cake sitting precariously on a too small pedestal that is crumbling slowly around the edges. The pieces just pile up on the table. *sigh* I need some cake now, with real buttercream icing...

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  21. Maggie23 March 2011 at 01:02

    LOL. A good way to get rid of a boring date

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  22. Anonymous23 March 2011 at 02:16

    my first reaction when I was done reading was WHAT?????
    How could "he" do that?
    Great fiction Trisha. :-)

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  23. Tony Benson23 March 2011 at 02:26

    I don't know why this made me smile, after all, it's rather sad. I think it's because I enjoyed the unusual take on the theme, and the wierdness of the situation. A good read.

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  24. Danette23 March 2011 at 06:47

    LOL- cute story. It does sound like it might be a good way to get rid of a guy your not interested in having around!

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  25. Amanda Milner23 March 2011 at 06:55

    Note to all single girls out there: Bad date? Can't ditch the guy?? Then pull an Ashley and watch him disappear;)
    Better get him to foot the bill first. Haha.

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  26. Brooke R. Busse23 March 2011 at 08:06

    I think she's just a creative person. I might grow to like her.

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  27. Trisha23 March 2011 at 08:07

    It had never occurred to me to look at it from that angle - that she was trying to get rid of him - but that would entirely change the meaning of the story. :D Interesting. I could have added one single line at the end (word count permitting) to say, "Ashley breathed a sigh of relief" or whatever, and it would have changed entirely. :)

    But it did occur to me that this was their first ever date, so maybe she's being a but full-on for an intro. lol

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  28. Anonymous23 March 2011 at 08:17

    That's a date to remember or not remember. Hmmmmmm. Very nice.

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  29. Denise Covey 23 March 2011 at 09:55

    What a wuss. He couldn't take the metaphor huh? Great writing Trisha.

    Denise<3

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  30. Trisha23 March 2011 at 10:58

    Hehe he was a wuss :P

    Thanks Denise :)

    and thanks Jennifer too!

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  31. Rachael Harrie23 March 2011 at 17:52

    Ooh, I didn't see that one coming! Great take on my Challenge :)

    Hugs,

    Rach

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  32. Crystal Collier23 March 2011 at 23:02

    That's rejection for you. Yikes!

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  33. Unknown24 March 2011 at 02:37

    Holy Deal-Breaker, Batman! LOL. That last line was awesome! Great entry :))

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  34. alberta ross24 March 2011 at 06:50

    well done - I'm not sure I would have stuck around!! crazy girl - we all have heads full of stuff like that - but we learn - oh we learn to keep it to ourselves - don't we?!!

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  35. Trisha24 March 2011 at 08:50

    Thanks guys :D

    Alberta, one would hope anyway ;)

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  36. J.C. Martin24 March 2011 at 16:38

    Just back away slowly, Don...guess he wasn't ready to deal with that much emotional baggage!

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  37. Sylvia24 March 2011 at 18:37

    lol I would have headed for the nearest exit too!

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  38. jkraus846425 March 2011 at 01:57

    THe goldfish bowl of my life! Ha! Loved that.

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  39. Donea Lee25 March 2011 at 02:42

    Men just don't get it... :) (Unless you're a man out there reading this that does and then, umm...I'm just kidding!) A fun twist on the prompt. Loved it!

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  40. Alison Pearce Stevens25 March 2011 at 04:02

    Yeah, I wouldn't go there, either!

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  41. Trisha25 March 2011 at 08:01

    Hehe, it's been fun reading all your comments ;)

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  42. Anonymous25 March 2011 at 09:06

    Wonderful entry, so original and you can hear her sigh just reading it.

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  43. Witless Exposition26 March 2011 at 00:44

    Great job! I love how he slowly backed away. I had a feeling by his reaction this was probably a first date, maybe second? I'd back away, too.

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  44. KM Nalle26 March 2011 at 07:51

    Ahh! Date gone bad. This was a delightful entry.

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  45. J.L. Campbell26 March 2011 at 10:56

    Maybe she should have whispered to herself to keep him from heading for the hills.

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  46. Trisha26 March 2011 at 15:21

    It was meant to be the first date, yeah :P

    Thanks guys.

    J.L., yes that would have been wise. UNLESS, as others suggested, she was trying to get rid of him on purpose. hehe

    Just then I felt the need to continue this story and find out. lol

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  47. Adina West27 March 2011 at 08:18

    Very different! I think maybe she should have left the big disclosures for the second date. ;-) (unless as suggested she wanted to get rid of him)

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  48. Anonymous27 March 2011 at 21:36

    This was really great. I loved your twist on it. Great job!

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  49. Michelle Merrill28 March 2011 at 13:08

    Hey Trisha, just wanted to let you know that you've been shortlisted as one of the top 5 in the judging round! Congratulations :)

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  50. Trisha28 March 2011 at 14:04

    Thanks Adina and Shelley :D

    Michelle, oooh that's so cool!! Thank you :)

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  51. Holly Vance30 March 2011 at 22:31

    I'm gonna steal that line next time I need to get rid of a creeper.

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  52. Trisha31 March 2011 at 08:04

    Holly, let me know how that goes. LOL. Should you ever need to use it anyway :P here's hoping you don't!

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Thanks for your words, me hearties! and don't forget to leave a link to your blog somewhere I can find it!

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