Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Crusader Challenge TWO!


Okay, so I'm finally getting around to posting my entry for the 2nd Crusader challenge (click on the picture above for more info!). The instructions were:

"Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count." - Rachael Harrie

And here is my entry, which Word tells me is exactly 100 words!

The goldfish bowl teetered in Ashley’s mind, and she drew a sharp breath and waited.

“What’s with you?” Don frowned, leaning close to peer into her face.

“My life’s about to shatter,” she whispered. “The goldfish bowl is gonna fall, and the goldfish will flop around on the floor. I don’t know if I’ll get to it in time.”

Donald’s eyes widened. “What goldfish bowl?”

“The goldfish bowl of my life.”

After a brief hesitation, Donald got to his feet, backing slowly away. “Hey...on second thoughts, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea...”

And he walked out, ending the date.

52 comments:

  1. Such a great analogy, and he couldn't deal. Clearly not the right guy for her.

    On the other hand, I might have walked out myself...

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  2. Haha. I also would have walked out. Alternately, if a guy came in and I decided I wanted the date over NOW I might consider scaring him off...

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  3. Ha! Yeah, that would creep me out a little too! Very good entry.

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  4. Haha, that's great...just back away from the crazy girl :) I am totally goldfish-bowl headed at times. My husband just backs away and lets my mind do its thing.

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  5. I would have walked out too if I was him. LOL. Though I might've stuck it out a bit longer, just to be polite. Needless to say I wouldn't have called her again ;)

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  6. Ouch! Nice job getting a reaction in only 100 words. :)

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  7. LOL! Oh dear, I hope she manages to prevent it happening and find Mr. Right! :O)

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  8. Hehe, yeah, it might help if she goes on some meds. lol

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  9. Bahahaha! Great analogy but maybe the wrong time to bring it out. Love it.

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  10. I might not have walked out but I probably would have avoided the second date =)

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  11. This is the most original of the entries I've seen so far. Very nice!

    -Vicki

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  12. Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed :)

    I don't think she meant to play head games, it just kinda happened. hehe

    But then I don't know much about this chick :D so few words to get to know her in!

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  13. The poor thing! Guess she wasn't in the mood for a date that night. But he could have been nicer!

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  14. LOL- if she would have kept quiet- LOl now he thinks she's crazy!

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  15. Ha, very clever. Like Summer said--she should've just kept it to herself! Nice analogy. :)

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  16. Oh, poor Ashley! That said, I think she needs counselling! Or maybe she had a clairvoyant vision of the future?

    Great stuff - I love it!

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  17. Don walked out because the poor girls life is falling apart (heartless) or because of the crazy metephors she speaks in (smart)...either way, great entry!

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  18. I like it too! Sometimes I feel that way, but I don't see a goldfish bowl. I see a cake sitting precariously on a too small pedestal that is crumbling slowly around the edges. The pieces just pile up on the table. *sigh* I need some cake now, with real buttercream icing...

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  19. LOL. A good way to get rid of a boring date

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  20. my first reaction when I was done reading was WHAT?????
    How could "he" do that?
    Great fiction Trisha. :-)

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  21. I don't know why this made me smile, after all, it's rather sad. I think it's because I enjoyed the unusual take on the theme, and the wierdness of the situation. A good read.

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  22. LOL- cute story. It does sound like it might be a good way to get rid of a guy your not interested in having around!

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  23. Note to all single girls out there: Bad date? Can't ditch the guy?? Then pull an Ashley and watch him disappear;)
    Better get him to foot the bill first. Haha.

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  24. I think she's just a creative person. I might grow to like her.

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  25. It had never occurred to me to look at it from that angle - that she was trying to get rid of him - but that would entirely change the meaning of the story. :D Interesting. I could have added one single line at the end (word count permitting) to say, "Ashley breathed a sigh of relief" or whatever, and it would have changed entirely. :)

    But it did occur to me that this was their first ever date, so maybe she's being a but full-on for an intro. lol

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  26. That's a date to remember or not remember. Hmmmmmm. Very nice.

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  27. What a wuss. He couldn't take the metaphor huh? Great writing Trisha.

    Denise<3

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  28. Hehe he was a wuss :P

    Thanks Denise :)

    and thanks Jennifer too!

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  29. Ooh, I didn't see that one coming! Great take on my Challenge :)

    Hugs,

    Rach

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  30. That's rejection for you. Yikes!

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  31. Holy Deal-Breaker, Batman! LOL. That last line was awesome! Great entry :))

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  32. well done - I'm not sure I would have stuck around!! crazy girl - we all have heads full of stuff like that - but we learn - oh we learn to keep it to ourselves - don't we?!!

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  33. Thanks guys :D

    Alberta, one would hope anyway ;)

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  34. Just back away slowly, Don...guess he wasn't ready to deal with that much emotional baggage!

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  35. lol I would have headed for the nearest exit too!

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  36. THe goldfish bowl of my life! Ha! Loved that.

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  37. Men just don't get it... :) (Unless you're a man out there reading this that does and then, umm...I'm just kidding!) A fun twist on the prompt. Loved it!

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  38. Yeah, I wouldn't go there, either!

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  39. Hehe, it's been fun reading all your comments ;)

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  40. Wonderful entry, so original and you can hear her sigh just reading it.

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  41. Great job! I love how he slowly backed away. I had a feeling by his reaction this was probably a first date, maybe second? I'd back away, too.

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  42. Ahh! Date gone bad. This was a delightful entry.

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  43. Maybe she should have whispered to herself to keep him from heading for the hills.

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  44. It was meant to be the first date, yeah :P

    Thanks guys.

    J.L., yes that would have been wise. UNLESS, as others suggested, she was trying to get rid of him on purpose. hehe

    Just then I felt the need to continue this story and find out. lol

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  45. Very different! I think maybe she should have left the big disclosures for the second date. ;-) (unless as suggested she wanted to get rid of him)

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  46. This was really great. I loved your twist on it. Great job!

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  47. Hey Trisha, just wanted to let you know that you've been shortlisted as one of the top 5 in the judging round! Congratulations :)

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  48. Thanks Adina and Shelley :D

    Michelle, oooh that's so cool!! Thank you :)

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  49. I'm gonna steal that line next time I need to get rid of a creeper.

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  50. Holly, let me know how that goes. LOL. Should you ever need to use it anyway :P here's hoping you don't!

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