Write ... Edit ... Publish ~ ROMANCE (June)

It's that time of the month again when we participants in the WEP get together and share our thoughts on the monthly theme, set by Denise Covey. This month's theme is simply ROMANCE.

This time I'm sharing an excerpt from my novel SUNDOWN. As I mentioned last time, I'm happy to receive feedback. I know for sure that I tend to be one of those wordy writers, and I definitely welcome constructive criticism.

We move to the door and I turn to face him, realising with a jolt that he’s stepped really close. He towers over me with less than half a metre between us. He’s all darkness and shadow and on his face is a look of weariness so heavy it’s almost despair. I stare at him fixedly, unable to tear my gaze away.

“What?” he says, staring right back at me.

“You just…you look really tired.”

A slight twitch indicates something that was almost a smile. “Yeah. I am.”

“I hope you get a good sleep.”

“This is normal,” he says as if I haven’t spoken, gesturing to himself. “I mean, I’m always tired. I don’t get much sleep most nights.”

My face heats up at the thought of Jared Pearson trying to sleep. In bed. Or on couches, as the case may be. I’d really love to ask him about that—Why the couch? I bet there’s an awesome bed in the other room—but I’m too busy feeling for him. Sympathy, sadness, a fervent hope that tonight he sleeps soundly.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asks, his voice strangely husky. “Isn’t that meant to be rude or something?”

“God, I’m sorry. I’m going.”

And I’m just about to turn away when he steps fluidly toward me, reaches out his hands and takes mine. As he pulls me to him, excitement spikes inside me, and my purse drops to the floor. The closer he gets, the harder it is for me to breathe.

His hands trail upward, finding my face and framing it. He tilts it up toward him, his touch like fire on my skin. It draws a sharp, almost painful breath from me. My mouth falls open and I melt into him. He buries a hand in my hair, making my scalp tingle, gripping with his fingertips. The action sends sparks of pleasure all through me. His other hand trails down to rest against my neck, brushing my collarbone. I shiver almost violently and tilt my head back further.

Then he kisses me.

It starts out soft, a tentative brushing of his lips against mine. His mouth is warm, and then the kiss deepens and his mouth is hot. I’m still melting, but now I’m this hot puddle and I’m pretty sure he’s the one holding me upright. I lean against him and feel his heat, his hardness. My mouth opens further to let him in and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing but his hands are on my face and in my hair and his body is pressed against mine and it’s so warm and I can’t think any coherent thought anyway, so why bother trying?

His tongue flicks against mine and I twitch and make this weird soft sound. I try to remember being kissed like this ever. Steven is a good kisser, but this? Orestes was good, too, I remember. But even he wasn’t this.

Nobody’s ever been this.

I’m melded against him and my hands start to rise, they rest on his shoulders and squeeze. He pulls me even closer and I wonder if I’m feeling my own limbs or his. My hands trail down over his solid arms, drinking in his delicious warmth. It occurs to me that this is only the beginning; that there’s so much further to go.

With that thought, I wrap my arms around him, resting my palms against his back. I press hard to pull him closer into me.

~585 words

Knowing your characters vs. showing them

I know my characters pretty darn well, I think. I knew them well during my SUNDOWN revisions, increasingly so as I went through second, third, fourth and fifth draft revisions. And during my recent total overhaul, which resulted in SUNDOWN II, my intimate (ahem) knowledge of these people ("people"?) was right there in my mind.

That's why I got these feelings now and then while in the midst of the rewrite, feelings that I was not writing my characters properly. For instance, I recognised that Jared wouldn't be talking so much, and he wouldn't be understanding his own thoughts and feelings so early on. In reality it would take a good smack over the head with a tree trunk for him to get it. I guess it doesn't help that halfway through my rewrite, I changed my mind about some important aspects of the plot, so "early Jared" doesn't fit "later Jared". Basically what this means that when I get stuck into revisions, I will need to bring the guy into line with his true core nature. And with the new plot.

As for Louise, well, I know she's surrounded by people but feels she has no friends. She's living the dream, but wants only for it to be over. She's angry - many layers of angry - but in truth, she's mostly hurt, lonely, and...in limbo. I knew all of that already, but I'm pretty sure it didn't come across in the rewrite. So, again, revisions will need to take care of that.

I thoroughly enjoyed the rewrite, as mentioned previously. But I happen to be one of those weirdos who gets a huge kick out of revisions. So I can't wait to get started on those. Again.

His 'n hers novels

The problem with writing a novel from your female MC's point of view, and then writing a second novel covering the same events, but from your male lead's point of view? Editing one means you've messed up the other. Right now I am working on editing the heck out of the first, and I truly hope to have every single line of dialogue decided upon, before I ever get around to editing the 'mirror' novel.

It's hard to truly decide on what my characters are going to say, and when. When it comes to Jared, sometimes he talks too much. He's not like that. He isn't a social creature, deep down inside, though over the years he's learned to fake it incredibly well. So he needs to talk less, at least in the beginning. As Louise draws him out of his shell, naturally he will start talking more. But that's got to take time. He has good reason not to trust (he doesn't trust anyone, not even himself), and no matter how comfortable he may start to feel around her, he is never truly comfortable. Not until book 5. Here I'm talking about books 1 and 3. Book 2 is a prequel, documenting Jared's earlier days. Confusing?

So, yeah...Jared talks too much. And this is because, as I have discovered, I talk too much. Only in my writing. In reality I am rather sparing with what I say. But when it comes to writing, I can bloat out a story with the best of them. This is how I've managed to cut 19k from SUNDOWN so far. And I have no doubt I can cut a lot more, just by saying the same things in less words.

In future, then, Jared will talk less. Louise will probably continue to ramble, because he makes her nervous. He will continue to misunderstand things, no matter how far he's come since the early days. And I love how far he's come. The prequel, documenting his early days when he first met Adelai, was incredibly fun to write. His social ineptitude is one of my favourite things about him. And I don't want to lose that, just because he's meant to be better at faking nowadays. Jared = ineptitude.

So, in a nutshell...

Step 1: Get SUNDOWN dialogue so perfect I love every single line my characters say (slowly but surely getting there at present).
Step 2: Face the daunting task of editing SUNDOWN.

P.S. Gotta do Reverb10 week 2 next!

Slash 'n burn...ouch

Current word count for SUNDOWN: 130,813 (let me note that in MS Word this would probably be under 130k!). My goal for a while now has been to get my wordcount down to 120k, and I'm confident I can do that. However, I was looking at some submission guidelines for a prominent romance publisher, and they like their romances to be around 90-100k!

So now I potentially have another goal...to get my wordcount down to 100k. This is daunting to me, because it would definitely require removing subplots, but...I love my subplots!!!

Could I bear to let go of wonderfully snide and antisocial Edgar Delaney, and his bizarre connection with Louise? Could I really bear to snip the eccentric and off-with-the-fairies Ever Bradley out of my story entirely? And what about Steven Brux, the annoying drunkard who gives Jared a reason to worry that Louise will leave the tour?

The prospect of cutting any of my minor characters or their minor plotlines makes me sad. But maybe I can do it just for submission to that particular publisher, and keep the full vibrancy version for those who don't mind larger word counts.