Friday, 27 June 2014

Write ... Edit ... Publish ~ ROMANCE (June)

It's that time of the month again when we participants in the WEP get together and share our thoughts on the monthly theme, set by Denise Covey. This month's theme is simply ROMANCE.

This time I'm sharing an excerpt from my novel SUNDOWN. As I mentioned last time, I'm happy to receive feedback. I know for sure that I tend to be one of those wordy writers, and I definitely welcome constructive criticism.

We move to the door and I turn to face him, realising with a jolt that he’s stepped really close. He towers over me with less than half a metre between us. He’s all darkness and shadow and on his face is a look of weariness so heavy it’s almost despair. I stare at him fixedly, unable to tear my gaze away.
“What?” he says, staring right back at me.
“You just…you look really tired.”
A slight twitch indicates something that was almost a smile. “Yeah. I am.”
“I hope you get a good sleep.”
“This is normal,” he says as if I haven’t spoken, gesturing to himself. “I mean, I’m always tired. I don’t get much sleep most nights.”
My face heats up at the thought of Jared Pearson trying to sleep. In bed. Or on couches, as the case may be. I’d really love to ask him about that—Why the couch? I bet there’s an awesome bed in the other room—but I’m too busy feeling for him. Sympathy, sadness, a fervent hope that tonight he sleeps soundly.
“Why are you staring at me?” he asks, his voice strangely husky. “Isn’t that meant to be rude or something?”
“God, I’m sorry. I’m going.”
And I’m just about to turn away when he steps fluidly toward me, reaches out his hands and takes mine. As he pulls me to him, excitement spikes inside me, and my purse drops to the floor. The closer he gets, the harder it is for me to breathe.
His hands trail upward, finding my face and framing it. He tilts it up toward him, his touch like fire on my skin. It draws a sharp, almost painful breath from me. My mouth falls open and I melt into him. He buries a hand in my hair, making my scalp tingle, gripping with his fingertips. The action sends sparks of pleasure all through me. His other hand trails down to rest against my neck, brushing my collarbone. I shiver almost violently and tilt my head back further.
Then he kisses me.
It starts out soft, a tentative brushing of his lips against mine. His mouth is warm, and then the kiss deepens and his mouth is hot. I’m still melting, but now I’m this hot puddle and I’m pretty sure he’s the one holding me upright. I lean against him and feel his heat, his hardness. My mouth opens further to let him in and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing but his hands are on my face and in my hair and his body is pressed against mine and it’s so warm and I can’t think any coherent thought anyway, so why bother trying?
His tongue flicks against mine and I twitch and make this weird soft sound. I try to remember being kissed like this ever. Steven is a good kisser, but this? Orestes was good, too, I remember. But even he wasn’t this.
Nobody’s ever been this.
I’m melded against him and my hands start to rise, they rest on his shoulders and squeeze. He pulls me even closer and I wonder if I’m feeling my own limbs or his. My hands trail down over his solid arms, drinking in his delicious warmth. It occurs to me that this is only the beginning; that there’s so much further to go.
With that thought, I wrap my arms around him, resting my palms against his back. I press hard to pull him closer into me.

~585 words


  1. Well, it kept me reading, trying to figure out where they are having the hot clincher (on the couch?) A bit of a lead-in would have helped me know where the characters are. I thought you did a great job of 'immersing your characters' in the scene.

    1. I realized this is an excerpt, so I have a better idea of where the action is, now.

  2. Great excerpt! Yeah, it is a little tough to know what's leading up to this, so a short intro would help!

    1. You're right, I should have set the scene. This is actually a part of a chapter, so if you had read the whole chapter you wouldn't need an intro. :P But in future I'll remember to give some background.

  3. Hi Trisha. Wow, this was hot! Great kissing scene ! I'd like to read more before and after. I thought the action was happening near the door as he was about to leave. You built up the tension nicely with the combination of dialogue and her internal thoughts. I hope we hear more from Sundown.

    Maybe in future write a few lines intro to set the scene...

    Thanks for posting to WEP Trisha. Definitely one of the most romantic entries.


    1. You were right - it was happening near the door. But she had seen him previously trying to sleep on the couch. ;) Obviously you didn't know that because I didn't mention it. It is mentioned earlier in the chapter, but the word limit restricted what I could include. But I totally agree I should have intro'd the scene. Will remember that for next time. :)

  4. Saturday June 28th, 2014
    Dear Trisha,
    Oh my! This snippet is quite a sensuous text. Lucky you that you could just pull out an excerpt from your finished novel. I had to make up an entirely new story.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Best wishes,

    1. Thanks, Anna - I do have many finished novels. Sadly none of them are ready to publish, by any stretch. ;)

  5. Ok, that has to be one of the best kisses I've ever experienced. Damn, where is that man, I want another - a real one. I need a mint, or a cigarette, or more wine.

    Wow, lets do that again, shall we!!

    1. LOL. Yeah, I kind of want him too. I've had some good kisses but daaaayyooom! :)

      Thanks, Donna. hehe


Thanks for your words, me hearties! and don't forget to leave a link to your blog somewhere I can find it!