[O&AM] I think I have a phobia of stand-up comedy

I'm not a stand-up fan, for the most part. There are very rare exceptions, for e.g. I will happily watch Jim Carrey, almost as happily watch Chris Rock, and will gasp at the outrageousness of Tim Minchin (but he does music so he's a different matter entirely). But for the most part I really can't stand stand-up. And it's not just a matter of dislike, either - it's almost like I have a fear of it. If I switch the TV channel and land on a stand-up show, I will stab at the remote with a desperation I can't really explain until I've got myself safely to a new channel.

There have been shows that I've found painful to watch because they're so cringeworthy - like the UK version of The Office. Don't get me wrong, I think that show is brilliant, but I actually physically cannot watch it. Stand-up is different - it's cringeworthy but for all the wrong reasons. I get this almost claustrophobic feeling while watching most stand-up, like the walls are closing in and I just want to run screaming. I'm fully aware that it makes no sense to be almost scared of stand-up, but I'm also fully aware that it's real.

Most people I know like a bit of stand-up, and there are comedians they'd drop everything in their lives to go and see. But for my part, I'd almost rather get up in front of a huge crowd of people and have their eyes all on me (one of my biggest fears is public speaking) than have to sit through a stand-up routine. I just find stand-up so incredibly awkward and I can think of very little more boring than spending an evening watching DVDs of stand-up.

So there you go - you learned something new about me. :)

[O&AM] Thinking about death (while not feeling depressed)

I don't really want this to be a dreary, depressing blog post, but it's a topic that's been on my list for O&AM since the beginning, and I always knew I'd get to it someday. Basically I was 17 when I first started thinking about mortality - my own and other people's. Later a friend told me this was the start of my "quarter-life crisis". A little bit early, sure, but I don't think that's particularly unusual.

The way I was at seventeen, morbidly dwelling on my inevitable demise, makes me wonder about a lot of the YA books out there. Do the teens in those books think about their own mortality? Do they get bogged down by the depressing fact of life that we're all gonna die someday? I did read one YA in recent years that dealt with heavy themes of death and abuse and all that, even though it was a funny, loveable book. Please Ignore Vera Dietz is definitely one of my favourite books ever. I briefly mentioned it back here. And I reviewed it here.

Anyway, I've had my dark times where I've been obsessed with mortality, but for the most part I've got past the obsession - the compulsion to think about it even though I never wanted to. These days I'm enjoying my life and making a lot of it, even if I'm probably not yet quite making "the most" of it. I've done some great things - travelled around the world (twice), formed strong friendships, had and lost (not-so-)great loves, released a music CD, written 11 novels, fostered homeless cats, bought a house, etc.. I will do more great things, at least that's my intention. And while I still often think about mortality - mine and other people's - 'cause I can't help it, it generally doesn't drag me down as much as it used to.

I hope this post didn't depress anyone. I just wanted to share with you a part of me that is ever-present. That's what this little series is about, after all - giving you guys the chance to know me better!

A quick NaNo update:

I hit 40k last night. Specifically, 40,346.

I wrote over 18k this weekend (0 words on Friday).

I'm still loving my story.

I still have many "meaty" scenes to write.

I think it'll wind up being a good length.

And I lurve my characters.

p.s. This is my 500th post!!!!

[O&AM] Cats vs. dogs

This month I'm going to talk about something very near (literally and figuratively both) to my heart: CATS! More specifically I'm addressing that age-old question: do you prefer cats or dogs? All I can do is answer for myself, but I definitely look forward to seeing what you guys think on the matter (I already know what some of you out there think). So, let's get down to the matter at hand:

Cats vs. dogs

Some people are dog people, and some people are cat people. Sometimes people are just general animal people, with no clear "winner". And of course there are people who just don't like animals at all (I don't understand these people). I guess I don't really understand the universal creature lovers, either, because how can you love a two-inch-long flying cockroach as it zooms straight at your face ready to scuttle around in your hair? EW. But anyway ... moving on.

I'm mostly an animal lover in that I care about the welfare of all animals (I even feel sorry for theose scuttly disgusting cockroaches as they die very slow deaths in my vicinity). But there is one type of animal I love most of all: CATS! Not only do I love cats, but I have a slight aversion to dogs, even though I have known a few that I actually liked. In the contest of cat vs. dog, cats definitely are the winners in my world. And here are some reasons I love cats:

• they are totally weird (okay, dogs are weird too)
• they don't smell (well, sometimes my boy cat smells after he's done a stressed-out poo in his carrier after a vet trip)
• they're not completely needy (welllll, yeah, my boy cat craves attention and walks around the house meowing if something's not quite to his liking)
• they purr. ha! dogs don't purr! (at least I haven't heard of a dog purring)
• they don't sniff crotches
• they don't eat their own poo or spew, or anybody else's
• they are generally very neat and tidy when it comes to toilet time, i.e. you don't need to carry a poo bag around with you to clean up after them
• you don't have to bathe them (until they get really old and can't bathe themselves)

I think you get the picture here. I love cats, and while I can admire dogs for their silliness, their cute personalities, and their very cute faces, I definitely prefer them not to be near me. The two dogs I've loved most in the world are dogs that are incredibly well-behaved and placid. And yet there have been dogs associated with my family that were the naughtiest dogs ever to live, and I loved them too. But that's more a case of "you can't choose your family, but you still have to love 'em." :P

Are you a cat person, a dog person, both, or neither?

[O&AM] Things I've inherited from my family

I've inherited a lot of things from my parents - Mum's green eyes, Dad's height. Oh, and this curly hair came at me from both directions. I also think I got my sarcasm from one of my aunties on Mum's side. But when I was little I was the spitting image of an aunty on my Dad's side, to the extent that Dad would often call me by her name. Oh, and my mum definitely loves to travel, but I think I got the "bug" from Dad.

There are also more bothersome things that run in my family:

• Skin cancer
• High cholesterol
• Arthritis

I already know I got hit with the cancer stick, though thankfully I've only had the "undeadly" kind so far. I also inherited that high cholesterol thing, so no matter how healthy I am my levels are probably going to be a little bit higher than most women my age. The arthritis may manifest itself later on in life, but for now I'm free of that.

There's one more thing I thank my family for passing onto me, and that's the creative genes that keep me busy and constantly inspired. So, I thank my family for the stuff they generously passed on to me. I'll even take the pesky health afflictions if it means I get to keep the rest. :)

[O&AM] I'm a grumpy granny on the roads

I have always been opposed to road rage and dangerous driving in general, and while I was learning to drive I was the "careful" one, while my best friend was the "maniac you'd never want to drive you anywhere". She was a speed demon who jerked into the next lane and I was the calm, collected one who gently merged and took my time about it. I'm still a safe driver, and yet I guess a few things have changed since those early days. For one thing, I love to take off really fast from lights and stop signs, even if I'm not actually making tyres squeal. But something else has changed as well. I'm much less patient and way more grumpy with other drivers!

Don't get me wrong, I don't tailgate people and flash my lights at them if they're doing something I hate. But I mutter angrily at them and say very bad words and wish them many traffic infringements. Oh, yes, many times I've been heard to say (to myself, at least, while driving), "You dick head! I hope you get a ticket!" I hate it when people go too slow, and I really hate it when they go too fast and tailgate me. So I guess you could say that unless someone's going just the right speed for the zone they're in, they really can't win with me.

I'm not sure if I'm becoming an old, grumpy granny or if I'm just getting fed up with the idiots out there on the roads. Either way, I do feel a bit of road rage nowadays, even if I don't do anything reckless about it.

What are you like on the roads?

P.S. I'm almost 100% moving house this week. 

Did I mention that??

I. cannot. wait.

[O&AM] I might be a mad cow [but I AM a songwriter!]

I was born in 1980 in a building outside a little almost-town in England (I shared a photo of the building itself back in May in this post). I do think it's cooler to say I was born in a field, but still, technically, only the building was in the field, and my parents and I were in the building. Because I spent the first eighteen months of my life in the UK, there's potential I've got mad cow's disease. Or, rather, that I'm a carrier. Even though I was only there until the end of 1981, I'm still banned from giving blood today. And of course mad cow disease (the human form) is still an issue today (as indicated by this article).

I find it hard to believe I'm really, truly a mad cow, and yet I could be that one in four thousand that (allegedly, possibly, maybe) really does carry it around in her bloodstream all day long! I would dearly love to give blood, and I always feel deflated when those blood drives are going on and everyone who doesn't donate is made to feel guilty for being such a selfish loser. But on the upside, I get to say "I can't give blood 'cause I could be a mad cow."

Naturally my friends all say, "So that's what the hell's up with you, you crazy biatch!" but strangers generally just nod politely and move on their way. ;) So, there you go. You learned something more about me today (even if you already had an inkling that I was potentially a mad cow!).

In other news, this:

This is actually a poster advertising ... my upcoming album release. I shouldn't really say "my", because this is very much a joint effort, and in fact much of the effort has been on the other person's part (Billy Bedard is a legend and he knows a lot more about how to create an actual album than I do by now!). But they are my songs, and it's my voice, and it's got my artwork in it. So it's all pretty exciting.

Soon enough there will be a little promo video to release that just has a bit more artwork and a few snippets of sound from the album. As soon as I have that, I will share it here!

[O&AM] - I'm atheist

It's May and the A-to-Z is over, which means I have no excuse for slacking on my usual blogging goals. So here I am to achieve one of said goals, posting for my "Out & About Me" series. This series is one in which I strive to share a little bit more about myself with you guys out in the blogging community. And as I suspected it would be, this thing can be a little nerve-wracking at times, mostly when dealing with topics like this (it's the first really "serious" topic so far). And be warned, it's kind of a long one! I really tried to whittle, but didn't do so well.

Religion is one of those topics that you "just don't go near" on a public platform. People get too riled up about it, and for good reason - it really is a deeply personal matter for many. Just like with politics, feelings are easily hurt when it comes to discussing religion. So, all in all, it's a topic best avoided. Right? Thing is, I've realised lately that I'm almost the only person out there who does avoid it. I don't mean that everyone else is out debating and yelling and shaking fists. No, I mean that many people are on their own blogs, being totally open and honest about their personal beliefs, and getting to express their thoughts on matters that mean a great deal to them. Why, then, aren't I?

That's why I'm here and saying it loud and proud: I'm atheist, dudes!

This is definitely no secret to anyone who knows me in my "offline" life, although I don't really shout it from the rooftops while at my day job, where there is a very strong Catholic bent. In my personal life, I am basically alone in my beliefs, though thankfully not entirely so. I'm almost the only one who doesn't believe in something. And by "something", I mean some higher power who watches over me, and some promise of an afterlife. I certainly believe in other types of "something" - goodness, kindness, hard work and self-sufficiency, friendship, that sort of thing. I thank my parents for raising me to be a decent human being, and for letting me make up my own mind. Even if my Dad is fond of saying, "Trisha, I had nothing to do with it!" like I was born this way or something. ha.

In high school I had a born-again friend who was sad for me that I would be burning in hell someday. Another high school friend once told me, during a particularly interesting period in her life, that she understood exactly why I might not believe that she had really and truly communicated with aliens, but that if I had seen what she'd seen, I'd really know it was true. My response was, "Well, if you had seen what I've seen, you'd know it's not." (In other words, I had seen nothing) This probably makes me sound totally close-minded and stubborn, but honestly, I am actually of the belief that anything is possible - that all the answers are out there, waiting to be found. I'm the sort of person who needs to see it for herself to believe it. Which perfectly explains how I wound up atheist, I suppose. I believe in science, and that as time goes on, scientists will catch up. Though I wouldn't be surprised to see science always at least a few steps ahead of the people who work with it daily. ;)

I believe completely that I don't have all the answers, or even most of them. And I'm totally at ease with that notion.

Being atheist makes me pretty lonely at times, I'll admit. But I never feel empty, aimless, or depressed because of it. I actually feel strangely relieved, even comforted, and I can't really explain why or how. I just do. I also feel proud, because in times of hardship it's me who picks me up and dusts me off and keeps going. I stand on my own two feet, admittedly with support from very lovely friends and an amazing family, and keep on going. I am also glad to be a compassionate human being, a person who is kind to others - people and animals both - not because somebody told me it's right, but because I feel that it's right.

None of the above changes the fact that all my friends and acquaintances who are believers in a higher power are extremely good and awesome people I am very grateful to have in my life. And that includes you all, my blogging friends, of course! So, that's it. Thank you for listening. :)

[O&AM] I...hate the sun (though I know I need it)

"Out & About Me" is a monthly blog series in which I tell you guys a bit more about me. I'll focus on a particular topic each month, and let you all get to know me a bit better than you already do.

Today I'm going to talk about the weather. I know a lot of you will have received comments from me over the years about how I hate summer, and I've also mentioned it in this blog now and then. But today I am focusing entirely on the weather and my sheer hatred of (the Australian) summer. I'll admit I don't mind a bit of Norwegian summer, what with its dramatic rainclouds overhead and the threat of a shower or two. Yeah, that's what I saw in Norway back in 2004, and the friend I was having lunch with that day indicated it was quite typical of that part of the country in summer (it was actually fairly reminiscent of a Western Australian winter). But the Australian summer is a different beast.

A friend from the US recently posted a link to this story on my Facebook page, about how in some parts of Australia it's so hot they had to add a new colour to the weather map - purple for the extreme heat of up to 54° c (129° f). Thankfully where I live it gets nowhere near that revolting sort of temperature (max temps tend to be around 43° c = 109.4 f). I live on the coast, and we get the sea breeze in the afternoons (called the Fremantle Doctor). But on days when that precious breeze fails to arrive, everything pretty much sucks around here. I always comfort myself with the fact that some people in the world have it worse than us, hot weather-wise.

I do have better reasons to hate the sun than most - I am susceptible to skin cancer and have already had a few cut out of my face. Not only is it physically and emotionally traumatic to go under the knife like that, but it's costly as well. And yet I know that the sun is life-giving, and that I need it to survive! Thankfully I recently got my Vitamin D checked and, surprisingly to myself and all who know me, my levels were within the healthy range. I guess around here you can't help but get some sun exposure no matter how hard you try to avoid it. It bounces off the ground and the walls and the leaves, no doubt, and finds you even in your shadiest hidey hole. ;)

[O&AM] I'm single!

"Out & About Me" is a monthly blog series in which I tell you guys a bit more about me. I'll focus on a particular topic each month, and let you all get to know me a bit better than you already do.

In this month's post I'm going to talk about singledom and how it sometimes makes me feel like one of the odd ones out in this blogging community.

I've been single most of my life, though there have been blips, including a three-year one that ended when I was 23. Often I think that being single is getting a bit old. I refer to myself as the "eternal single", because my relationships tend to go wrong or, in some cases, start off wrong. A friend once told me, "You sure know how to pick 'em!" after a guy I had been interested in committed suicide (don't worry, she was giving me a hug at the time!). But I also tend to attract duds, not just be attracted to them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not throwing a pity party here. I love my life, and I am aware of the benefits of being single. To be honest, I don't know if I even have the energy for a relationship. From observing other people's relationships, I think I might actually be too lazy for all that hard work. Maybe my friends are generally happy, but they live the sorts of lives I wouldn't want for myself. I'm an introvert (which I'll talk more about in another O&AM post) and I love my solitude. I need it. For some people, company is a large reason for being in a relationship. For me, it's a reason to be leery.

I get home from work every day and bask in my own company. I have so many creative projects that I'm working on that I'm never bored. I do have a bunch of excellent friends and a great family, but I also like to think that I'm one of my own very best friends. I'm certainly the one who puts a roof over my head, keeps me fed and clothed and in wine and chocolate. I'm even planning on buying my very first home this year, and I'm proud to be doing it on my own. Still, I roam around this blogger community and feel quite the odd one out, because I'm pretty sure I'm one of the only singletons around. Thankfully it doesn't matter to you all, and you haven't kicked me out of your club. haha. I do find it interesting, though. A lot of writers are women, and married with children. Have you noticed the same?

In conclusion, I do sometimes wish I had already found a partner suited to me, someone who needs his own alone time as much as I need mine. Someone who understands and respects my boundaries. Someone who isn't deranged would be nice, too. ;) Maybe I will find such a person, someday. For now, though, I'm getting on with building my own life, and I'm having a damn good time of it.

[O&AM] - I don't like mornings

This year, one of my goals is to do a monthly post that tells you guys a bit more about me. You've probably learned a fair few things about me already, but this year I'll be focusing specifically on getting myself out there more. Some of the things I'll post about in this series are of a more sensitive nature, for e.g.:

• Atheism
• Introversion
• Crappy ailments I inherited from my lovely family
• Thoughts on death
• The abomination that is pineapple on pizza

For today though I'm going to ease into this whole thing with a pretty harmless topic: how much I hate mornings.

Ever since I was a baby I've been a night owl. As a toddler I stayed up so late my mum had to stagger off to bed and leave me awake. School days were a real nightmare, having to get up that early. I somehow managed it, albeit in something of a daze. Then I finished high school, spent a year travelling/competing in the Couch Potato Olympics, and enrolled in...wait for it...a Humanities degree.

The great thing about Humanities degrees (which we often refer to as Arts degrees) is that you have minimal contact hours and maximum opportunity to laze about being a complete bum. I did that bum thing really well. It's no surprise that by the time I finished my fourth - honours - year (2002), I was the heaviest weight I've ever been in my life. I spent that whole honours year eating, when I wasn't struggling to get essays and a thesis finished. But anyway, I'm talking about how I hate mornings, right?

I still do, most of the time, but nowadays I can't really sleep in to save my life. I guess I've had enough years of working full time that I'm just used to early rises now. I still stay up way past bedtime if given half the chance, but knowing I'll be waking up early no matter how late I go to sleep is a real deterrent  I'm just not willing to put up with the torturous sleep deprivation anymore. So I try to do the right thing and get to bed on time. It's boring, but necessary.

I still love the night, especially gazing up at a blanket of stars, and find mornings quite ordinary. I guess I was just born this way.