"Out & About Me" is a monthly blog series in which I tell you guys a bit more about me. I'll focus on a particular topic each month, and let you all get to know me a bit better than you already do.I've been single most of my life, though there have been blips, including a three-year one that ended when I was 23. Often I think that being single is getting a bit old. I refer to myself as the "eternal single", because my relationships tend to go wrong or, in some cases, start off wrong. A friend once told me, "You sure know how to pick 'em!" after a guy I had been interested in committed suicide (don't worry, she was giving me a hug at the time!). But I also tend to attract duds, not just be attracted to them.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not throwing a pity party here. I love my life, and I am aware of the benefits of being single. To be honest, I don't know if I even have the energy for a relationship. From observing other people's relationships, I think I might actually be too lazy for all that hard work. Maybe my friends are generally happy, but they live the sorts of lives I wouldn't want for myself. I'm an introvert (which I'll talk more about in another O&AM post) and I love my solitude. I need it. For some people, company is a large reason for being in a relationship. For me, it's a reason to be leery.
I get home from work every day and bask in my own company. I have so many creative projects that I'm working on that I'm never bored. I do have a bunch of excellent friends and a great family, but I also like to think that I'm one of my own very best friends. I'm certainly the one who puts a roof over my head, keeps me fed and clothed and in wine and chocolate. I'm even planning on buying my very first home this year, and I'm proud to be doing it on my own. Still, I roam around this blogger community and feel quite the odd one out, because I'm pretty sure I'm one of the only singletons around. Thankfully it doesn't matter to you all, and you haven't kicked me out of your club. haha. I do find it interesting, though. A lot of writers are women, and married with children. Have you noticed the same?
In conclusion, I do sometimes wish I had already found a partner suited to me, someone who needs his own alone time as much as I need mine. Someone who understands and respects my boundaries. Someone who isn't deranged would be nice, too. ;) Maybe I will find such a person, someday. For now, though, I'm getting on with building my own life, and I'm having a damn good time of it.
They're out there. It sounds like you have the good sense enough not to settle! :)
ReplyDeleteHave a good Sunday.
You'll find someone~ in the meantime, I've always been a fan of the philosophy that a woman should be able to feel "whole" by herself and maybe be "complemented" instead of "completed" by a life partner. I loved my time of being single.
ReplyDeleteSomething I keep telling my sister...there -is- someone for everyone. I've seen too much evidence of it to make my think otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI just got married, for the first time, three years ago...I was 42. Sometimes, it just takes some of us longer than others to find 'the one'. Don't feel bad, though, I know exactly where you're coming from.
When the time is right, the right one will come into your life. Just be receptive and you'll be fine :)
The best thing about the blogging community is you can be whoever you like. I choose to talk about my family sometimes, but I could equally keep them a secret. Just like you could create a family of nine children to back up the point of a post... and no one would care/know any different.
ReplyDeleteI'm single (divorced) and have felt myself the odd one out in this here blogosphere as well. (Though I realize I'm the odd one out, just generally). :-) I've also grown accustomed to my solitude and privacy. I know there are benefits to a healthy romantic relationship but, like you, I don't know that I have the willingness to put the work into one that I did when I was younger. It's great that you're close to buying your own home; yay, you! Enjoy the fruits of your labor and the time you can still call your own. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm single as well, so you're not the only one. :) C'est la vie. I've noticed that a lot of bloggers tend to be women with children as well. I wonder why that is? Hm.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. It seems like everyone is in a relationship. And sometimes I feel like the odd woman out. Ah well. That's why we have our writing. (Nice that you picked this week to mention this. Singles' awareness day tends to make me cranky.)
ReplyDeleteYou make single sound really attractive! I would love to have my own time and space!
ReplyDeleteAnother thing we have in common... sort of. I'm not married and pay my own bills plus some --the boyfriend and I live together. I don't always have time all to myself which can be difficult but I have kids so really I guess I'm used to that anyway. He's a writer and there are no issues with that kind of time which is really nice. There are pros and cons to both I suppose...
ReplyDeleteI was pretty sure I'd be single for my whole life... until I met my hubby in my late 20's. I'd always been too picky (or so I thought at the time), along with thinking there may have been something wrong with me, lol. I too liked my solitude and loved all my male friends as... well, just friends. Why complicate things with a relationship??? My hubby changed everything, but then, it helps that we're best friends also, so there's no 'hard work' in the relationship that I hear so many people speak of.
ReplyDeleteThere are a ton of stay-at-home writer moms aren't there??? Were we all bored and writing seemed to be the best option as a hobby? LOL. I think that it doesn't matter which path we take/or are on, as long as we're progressing and learning and growing. Definitely pros and cons to both sides of life!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. :D
Well, now I'm going to have to pay attention to how many moms are out there writing. I say if you're happy, you're happy! Isn't that when love finds us, anyway? When we're not looking for it? I don't know; I certainly wasn't. In fact, I never even thought about getting married, didn't care if I was dating, etc. So I'd say you're in a good place, no matter what. Good luck on your home buying! Scary, but exciting!
ReplyDeleteShannon at The Warrior Muse
I am ALL FOR choosing partners later. I chose mine at 22 and I definitely didn't know what I was doing--it has been a LOT of work because I was evaluating on different parameters than I'd use now. Oh, I love my husband... very much. But it really has been much harder than I think it needs to be.
ReplyDeleteI was single till I was 28 and found the man I thought was my soulmate. I finally recently called that sham "engagement" and relationship quits. (Dude never even told his parents, whom he lives with at age 36, about our "engagement," never set a date, never looked at the registries I made, never even made a guest list.) I got tired of being with a walking DSM who never went anywhere or did anything, and of putting up with his dysfunctional family who mentally never left the Soviet Union. I'd like to have at least one child before I'm 40, so I'll strongly consider artificial insemination as a single mom by choice. Since I was in grade school, guys have always seen me as just a friend, one of the guys, not a potential date or wife. At least I have lots of free time and money because I'm still childfree.
ReplyDeleteI guess because I'm new and still learning my way around this community it never occurred to me that there might be a "typical" blogger type--married moms with kids. What I loved about blogging the last time I tried it was that everyone was different and had their own stories and fit in in their own way. I think it's fabulous that you are happy where you are at, and totally agree with Jess' philosophy. And it feels a little weird to say this being that I'm only 23... but I am confident that you will find your person someday. It's just something I really believe in. : ]
ReplyDeleteI always said I would never marry. Then I did. But only because I met a guy I figured I could tolerate in my space on a daily basis. I'd rather be single than stuck with a guy I couldn't stand to be around (and I know LOTS of married people who feel like that!)
ReplyDeleteAs I tell my single friends, you will find your other half when the time is right. That time will be when you lease expect it, when you're least prepared, and when you've spilled paint all over yourself or something equally appropriate. Love is funny that way :)
ReplyDeleteI just read Elizabeth's comment right above this. I totally agree with her.
Congrats on singlatarianism! I'm married but have such a need for 'alone time' that it has caused problems on occasion.
ReplyDeleteI say, if being single is happy, then stay that way. Only partner up if you feel like it makes you happier.
As an introvert, I also need my space and Beloved Husband is understanding about that. The right person changes everything. I got lucky when I met him at 19. Of course we didn't get married until 11 years later.
ReplyDeleteMy aunt got married for the first time when she was 48 and she's always been the happiest person I know (both before and after). If you are happy, that's all that matters.
I have to say most guys are deranged hahaha. Just kidding. I am. But there are some I;m sure who are not. Glad to hear you're enjoying life regardless.
ReplyDeleteI love it. I think I'm too lazy for a relationship too!
ReplyDelete